montreal, 2004

This was taken in Montreal in 2004.

I can practically smell this photo: Many of my friends and I were deep into veganism and natural deodorant and all the other earthy-accoutrements that came with the lifestyle then.

I was at my friend’s apartment here and wearing their Runaways shirt, the armpits of which stank even though the shirt was clean when I put it on.

It was summer and we were off dancing somewhere until late, late, late like usual. I was dating a guy at the time who had a prescription for dexamphetamine, which he shared liberally and which helped us stay up to all hours.

We were all obsessed the Joan Jett (as you can tell from my hair) and the Runaways, whose debut album had just been re-released on CD the year before and so made its way to a younger generation that felt we missed out on being born too late.

We were also listening to a lot of Le Tigre and Ladytron and the Slits and the Raincoats that summer. There were so many dance parties popping up in Toronto and Montreal that when I think back on this time all I can remember from that season is going from one bar to the next.

I had just finished my first year of journalism school. I felt like I had ruined my life several times over already. J-school was my chance to set things right again. I was 22.

Even though I spent most of that summer partying I had so much going on in the back of my mind. I wanted to do something that mattered with my life but I was still learning how to properly focus my energy. I wanted desperately to be a writer but was still learning what that could really look like.

Sometimes I miss being younger but when I remember the pressure I felt to “be somebody” back then I am much happier being me, now. Age and time have calmed so many feelings for me and I am much more patient with myself than I once was.